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    News and blogs » Coping with stress, anxiety and depression when you don’t feel festive

If you’re reading this because you’re finding the run up to Christmas stressful, don’t assume you’re failing at being festive, you’re definitely not alone.

We’re bombarded with adverts and social media showing us festive feel-good families, Insta-worthy tables, endless laughter, and joy. But what a lot of people don’t see are those quietly struggling with low mood, anxiety, depression, money worries, the mental load, or family tension. A survey reported by YouGov found that around a quarter of people say Christmas makes their mental health worse[1], and a separate survey by the Mental Health Foundation found that 54% were worried about the mental health of someone they know at Christmas.[2]

More recently, Mental Health UK reported that around 80% of people living with mental health problems felt their symptoms got worse over the festive period, and nearly three-quarters said Christmas made them feel lonelier even when surrounded by others.[3]

So, if Christmas doesn’t feel merry and bright for you, read on, we’ve got some advice.

Why Christmas can feel harder on your mental health

Whether you choose to celebrate or if it’s simply happening around you, Christmas can affect people in different ways.

You might notice:

  • Increased anxiety. With more social events, late nights and financial pressure to keep up, anxiety levels can climb.
  • Low mood or depression. The dark nights (and mornings), reflecting on a year that hasn’t gone to plan, or remembering painful anniversaries, can impact our mood and cause depression to feel deeper.
  • Stress and overwhelm. The mental load on parents, especially women[4], who plan and coordinate Christmas magic, can feel extremely intense.
  • Old wounds resurfacing. Family dynamics, past trauma or difficult memories of previous Christmases can taint the festive period.

None of this means you’re failing or not coping. It simply means your nervous system is responding to an overwhelming time of year.

Your “Christmas stress bucket”

A helpful way of understanding what’s happening is to imagine you’re carrying a “stress bucket”.

At the start of December, that bucket might already have some water in it—work stress, caring responsibilities, health concerns, day-to-day life. Then Christmas begins to pour in more:

  • Extra spending
  • Work deadlines before the holidays
  • Family expectations and social events
  • Grief or memories of people who aren’t here this year
  • Changes in routine, sleep and diet

Dr Victoria Taylor, Consultant Clinical Psychologist, says, “If your bucket quietly fills up and there’s nowhere for the water to escape, it overflows. That overflow is often what you can experience as panic attacks, tearfulness, snapping at loved ones,  or feeling numb or like you can’t face anything.

The aim isn’t to empty your bucket completely, that’s not realistic, but to create little taps that let some of the water out safely, and to stop everyone else pouring into it without your permission.”

Let’s look at some gentle and realistic ways to do that.

Self-help ideas to protect your mental health this Christmas

You don’t have to practice all of these suggestions. Think of them as a menu. Notice what makes your shoulders drop a little when you read, and start there.

1. Name what’s really hard for you this year

Christmas is a lot of different things all at once. It can help to be specific. Ask yourself:

  • What’s actually filling my stress bucket right now?
  • Is it money? Certain people? Crowded spaces? Social media?

You might jot this down in a journal or notes app. When you can name what’s hard, you can start being kinder to yourself and make a plan to avoid or address the issue.

2. Set boundaries and allow small “no’s” to protect your peace

It’s okay for you, and your mental wellbeing to come first.

This might look like:

  • Leaving a party early rather than staying until you’re exhausted or drinking more.
  • Agreeing on a gifting budget or if creativity calms your mind, making handmade gifts.
  • Saying “I’d love to see you, but could we keep it to a couple of hours?”
  • Having a plan to step outside for fresh air if things become too much.

Boundaries aren’t selfish, they keep your stress bucket from overflowing so you can actually enjoy the parts of Christmas that mean something to you.

3. Keep hold of a few grounding routines

Christmas can throw your normal structure out of the window. A small amount of routine can really steady your mood:

  • Keep one regular sleep anchor, for example, getting up at a similar time each day.
  • Choose one movement habit you know helps, such as a short walk, gentle yoga, or a kitchen disco with your children.
  • Eat nutritious meals where you can. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about giving your body quality energy to cope.

It’s absolutely fine to enjoy festive food and late nights, just give your body the basics that help your mind feel safer.

4. Be mindful of alcohol and social media

Both can pour a surprising amount into your stress bucket.

Don’t let alcohol become that toxic mate that makes you feel bad about yourself. It’s a depressant and can cause anxiety, low mood and sleep disturbances, especially over a few days.

And social media? Scrolling through carefully curated Christmas posts can feed painful comparisons.

You could try:

  • Alternating alcoholic drinks with soft drinks, or choosing a few alcohol-free days.
  • Muting or unfollowing accounts that make you feel worse.
  • Setting a time limit for social media and putting your phone in another room in the evenings.

5. Plan for moments of calm

The more cortisol (the stress hormone) that builds up in our system, the worse we feel. Gift your nervous system little pockets of rest.

That could look like:

  • Sitting with a cup of tea in a quiet room for a few moments
  • Stepping outside and breathing in the cooler air
  • Doing a simple breathing exercise (for example, breathing in for a count of four, out for six, for a few minutes).
  • Listening to a favourite piece of music on your own.

These are the taps on your stress bucket—small, regular releases that stop it overflowing.

How the Private Therapy Clinic can support you

Sometimes self-help is a really positive start, but you might notice that your symptoms are getting stronger or affecting your ability to cope day to day. That’s where professional support can help.

At our Private Therapy Clinic, we provide expert assessment and treatment for a wide range of conditions such as anxiety, depression, stress, post-traumatic stress disorder, and OCD, as well as specialist assessments for ADHD, autism and memory concerns.

We understand that:

  • Reaching out can feel daunting, especially if you’ve tried help before.
  • You might not have a clear understanding of what you’re experiencing, you just know you’re not okay.
  • Your history, relationships, identity and responsibilities shape your experiences.

Our clinicians draw on a range of evidence-based therapies, including CBT, DBT, ACT, EMDR and mindfulness-based approaches, and we’ll work with you to make sense of your experiences as well as providing solution-focussed guidance and direction if you’re looking for news ways to manage life’s challenges.

Our clinic is open Monday to Friday, 8:30 am–5:30 pm, and you can contact us on 01604 273882 or at therapyclinics@stah.org to find out more or book an appointment.

When our clinic is closed over Christmas

Over the Christmas period (especially the bank holidays), our clinic is closed to appointment bookings. This may be the very time when things feel most intense, so it's important you know where you can get help straight away if you need it.

If, you or someone else is in immediate danger, or you feel unable to keep yourself safe call 999 or go to A&E. Don’t worry about “bothering” anyone. NHS guidance is very clear that your mental health is as important as your physical health.

For urgent mental health support when we’re closed, you can contact:

  • NHS 111 (England)
    Call 111 and choose the mental health option (often option 2). This is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and it can connect you to urgent local mental health support.
  • Samaritans
    Phone 116 123 free, any time of day or night, 365 days a year, for confidential emotional support if you’re feeling overwhelmed, distressed or suicidal. Samaritans answer hundreds of thousands of calls over the festive period every year.
  • Papyrus – for under-35s
    If you’re under 35 and having thoughts of suicide, or you’re worried about a young person, Papyrus offers confidential support via:

HOPELINE247 is open 24 hours a day, every day of the year, including bank holidays.

  • CALM – often used by men, but open to anyone

A free and anonymous helpline and webchat from 5 pm to midnight, every day on 0800 58 58 58, supporting people who are feeling suicidal or overwhelmed.

If one route feels too big, try another. If you don’t know what to say, you can simply start with, “I’m not okay, and I don’t know where to start.” That’s enough.

A gentle reminder as you head into Christmas

Your worth isn’t measured by how many people you see, how perfect your decorations look, how much you spend, or how festive you feel.

It’s okay if your priority this year is to protect your mental health and to create a little more space in your stress bucket.

If you’d like support beyond the festive season, our team at the Private Therapy Clinic is here to listen, without judgement, and help you find a way forward that feels manageable and meaningful to you. Contact us, our team are always happy to help.

 

[1] How does Christmas impact people's mental health? | YouGov

[2] https://researchforyou.co.uk/mac-news/looking-after-your-mental-health-during-the-festive-season

[3] Navigating your mental load at Christmas - Mental Health UK

[4] Navigating your mental load at Christmas - Mental Health UK