Loss and grief come in many forms. Estrangement, miscarriage, divorce, redundancy, bereavement, illness, loss of friendships, and life transitions can change how we experience Christmas.
As the carols, twinkly lights and decorations appear, you might be thinking that your grief would reduce over time. But the truth is, sometimes the loss is so significant that the grief doesn’t disappear. When everything around you is sparkling and joyful, the ache inside can feel bigger than ever. As the movie That Christmas puts it:
“I always think that Christmas is a bit like an emotional magnifying glass. If you feel loved and happy, Christmas will make you feel even happier and more loved. But if you feel alone and unloved, the magnifier gets to work and makes all those bad things bigger and worse.”
Maybe this is your first festive season living with loss or loneliness. Maybe it’s your fifth, your fifteenth or your fiftieth. And maybe the grief is as sharp as ever. If it still hurts, it still hurts. You don’t need to pretend otherwise.
Your private tears and unspoken thoughts might happen behind the scenes, but that doesn’t make them any less real. You’re not alone.
For many people, Christmas comes wrapped in memories—familiar smells, songs, traditions, places, and people. When someone is missing, or when loneliness creeps in, those reminders can cut deeper than other times of the year.
You can feel disconnected from the joys of Christmas and it becomes painful when you’re comparing what’s on screen with what’s in your heart.
Social expectations to be joyful, to join in, to celebrate with family or friends, can feel overwhelming or sometimes alienating. Dr Victoria Taylor, Consultant Clinical Psychologist says, “The festive season can amplify existing worries and the pressure to be happy. But the reality of being alone on Christmas Day is increasingly common.”
A 2024 study by The Policy Institute at King's College London found that for 21- to 34-year-olds, one in 11 will be spend Christmas on their own and 15% of people aged 65 and over said they would spend Christmas Day by themselves.[1]
More broadly, loneliness across the UK remains high. A survey carried out from 13 December 2023 to 1 January 2024 showed that about a quarter of adults (27%) reported feeling lonely “some, often or always” during that period.[2]
So, if your grief or loneliness feels overwhelming now, especially when everyone else seems to be in the Christmas spirit, that is understandable and valid.
If you can, treat yourself with compassion this Christmas. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, rather than pushing it away. Below are ideas that may offer small spaces of comfort and relief.
It can help to write down (somewhere private) what’s hard this year. Is it a smell, song, photo, place, or tradition?
Naming your pain doesn’t weaken you, it honours it. Once you recognise what your triggers are, you can prepare for them. You can allow yourself permission to step back, or even create new traditions.
At Christmas, we often feel pressured to do everything, all at once. But if the idea of filling your diary with grand plans fills you with fear, then don’t and instead chose to plan small acts to help your nervous system feel more regulated:
Connection isn’t always about a big meal in a crowded house. Reframe it. It can be quieter, smaller, and without pressure:
Connecting in small ways can help us feel less alone.
Volunteering can also quieten grief and loneliness at this time of year. Giving a little time or kindness can bring a sense of purpose when everything else feels empty. Contributing to helping or supporting those less fortunate can help us gain perspective.
Continue talking about the loved one you’ve lost. Talk about the things they used to enjoy. Share stories and memories during conversations to help make those painful days slightly easier. Think about ways you can incorporate them. Choose something you feel comfortable with. It could be that you make a toast to them on Christmas Day or set a place at the table in remembrance. Or, you could add a bauble to your tree that honours their life.
When loss leaves its mark, lean into what truly matters, love, connection, and chosen family. If you don’t have this support network or feel more comfortable talking to someone without bias, there are several organisations and helplines that offer support when you feel alone.
Our clinics are closed during the Christmas bank holidays, so please use these options if you need to speak to someone urgently.
At the Private Therapy Clinic, we understand that grief and loneliness don’t follow a convenient pattern. You might not be “over it” by December.
We offer professional, compassionate therapeutic support for conditions including depression, anxiety, trauma, loss and loneliness. Our clinicians draw on evidence-based therapies (CBT, trauma-informed therapy, grief counselling, mindfulness-based approaches), working with you to find a path forward.
We know that reaching out can be daunting. You might be thinking, “This is just sadness”, or “I should be coping by now.” But grief doesn’t always present as we expect. Sometimes it’s numbness, hopelessness, anxiety, or anger. And that’s OK. We are here to help.
If you’re grieving or lonely this Christmas, or you’re worried about someone you know, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you’re weak. It means you’re human.
It’s OK to sit with pain, to feel tired and sad. It’s OK to want a quiet Christmas and a bit of peace.
You don’t have to convince anyone that you’re fine, and you certainly don’t owe anyone a festive smile.
If you do want support, when the fairy lights come down, we’re here.
You don’t have to carry the darkness alone into another year.
If you’d like to talk to us, you can contact the clinic, and we can discuss options and plan next steps together.
[1] Major increase in young people spending Christmas Day alone in UK | Christmas | The Guardian
[2] Public opinions and social trends, Great Britain - Office for National Statistics
